Friday Night Blogging

Wow possums, it's been over a month. And I know you've missed me, so ... updates!
Fun-employment is over, yay! I've recently started a new (temp) job at Next Street, a merchant bank for inner-city small businesses (Google it). It's only been two weeks, but I'm really enjoying it so far. I've been learning a lot, mostly on my own. For example, to do one of my tasks, I had to learn very basic HTML. And best of all, I really feel like I'm making a difference, which for a temporary, entry-level, private-sector job is saying something. Sadly, I don't think I'm qualified for the permanent position, but I haven't given up hope yet. There's still one more DC fellowship to hear back from and maybe a fall campaign job (and then maybe a staff job), so the employment front is a lot brighter.

Yes, It Was All Part of a Plan

Slow-blogging, let's blame my lack of verbosity on that. Much as I would like to say the time-lag between posts is a conscious effort to only blog after deep thought and meditation, that would be lying. In truth, I can count the times I truly thought deeply before writing something on one hand. I blame Harvard. But actually, I blame my bad, procrastinatory habits. Leaving papers for the last minute (a constant theme here no doubt familiar to you dear constant readers) left me no choice but to think quickly, and often incompletely and shallowly.

But now, in my post-college wilderness of free time, I find myself looking back, and concluding I actually did cheat myself with all my procrastination. What did I gain by sacrificing thinking and writing time to refresh a web page just once more? Next to nothing. And honestly, though some friends evinced amazement that I could actually leave papers to the night before and then hammer out some BS that could still get good-enough-though-not-great grades, I feel I am facing the consequences of four years of that kind of work ethic. Which is why I sit here, feeling like I'm a welfare queen, albeit one with an Ivy League diploma, jobless, and increasingly, feeling so confused about my future. Which reminds me, I should get back to my Foreign Service personal narratives. Ciao possums.

1 AM Blogging

Ok possums, it's technically only 12:30, and wiser, more insightful words might be said (or typed) at a more reasonable time. But rationality hasn't been a strong suit lately. Still, it's spring, and with it comes green shoots. So, without further ado, the updates in my life: fellowship interviews have gone well and I should be hearing back in a few weeks. I made it to the next round of the foreign service officer process. This was the part I didn't pass last year, but it's been a year of great experiences (thanks HoCo!) that will make these "personal narratives" even more awesome (I hope) and get me to the oral interview part where I can wow them with my in-person charm and brilliance (and if that doesn't work, don't think I wouldn't sink to Monica Lewinsky levels). Also, routine gymming and M's ruthless insistence on healthy eating means I check myself out more in the mirror. Narcissistic? Maybe a little, but it sure beats my previous bouts of low self-esteem. Yes, so even though my comfy Widener job is ending this week, and don't know what exactly I'll be doing Monday, it's an interesting time in Isaac-land (long-lost friends, please come visit!). Plus all these essays I get to write means I'll have many opportunities for deep introspection. Stay tuned...

New Beginnings

It's been a long time possums, but I feel the mood to blog. I guess a 7-mile run will do that to you. Yes, you read right. Seven. Freakin. Miles. Now, J-fa and I are training for a half-marathon. Nothing like a little self-punishment to get all the anger out, right? Why am I angry, you ask? Well, some people may be happy to discover their ex took three whole weeks to find someone new. Me, I got angry. And now, I'll channel that anger towards something productive. I imagine it'll be a great feeling of accomplishment when I finish that 13th mile in May.

On the work front, it's been mostly positive. A few interviews for fellowships have gone well, so I'm hopeful come June I'll have some certainty in my life. But in the meanwhile, I'm enjoying this sense of rootlessness. I guess a little sunshine brings some optimism.

And the Oscar Goes To...

It's been a long time possums. First things first: AVATAR! (WARNING: SPOILER ALERT) It was such a good movie! Yes, the plot may have been a recycled amalgamation of every white-man-turns-native-and-saves-the-day-plus-don't-be-greedy-save-the-rainforest storyline, but the effects drove the point even deeper than I've ever felt. I seriously cried when they destroyed the Hometree.

Second. Real life sucks. Ok, the past week and a half has been a lot of fun with blockmates and friends, but I don't know if I went to spend the best years of my life paying my dues. On the other (and probably weightier) hand, I don't see any other way forward. So here I am. Working at Widener ILL, bumming off my friends' couch and goodwill, trying to find a job and an apartment, and generally trying to figure out this thing they call life. Oh Harvard, so many opportunities you've provided and yet so little I feel I've actually learned/gained. At least you haven't completely kicked me off the teat. Yet. In the meantime possums, if you know of any interesting job opportunity in this sucky economy fit for a liberal arts gov major, let me know, k?

Ciao

PS. If you're a Mass. resident, please vote Tuesday for Martha Coakley. Kthnxbai

The End Is Nigh

Hello possums. We're approaching the end of college life, and though still largely murky, the future is starting to take some shape. I have one last final (it would be gov, of course) and then I'm off to New Mexico for the holidays. After some hasty near-decisions, I have (temporary) employment (yay?) at ILL for a few months. As of yet, still no housing other than couch-surfing (if I haven't come begging yet, keep an eye on your email). But, as I was quite upset that I might not be on this side of the country (and thus, be far, far away from J) for what could have been a long while, I'm very satisfied with this turn of events. I'm sure the pay will be crap, and the work is quite tedious, but I'll be near and among my dearest friends in the world, a 4 1/2-hour bus ride to NYC, and have the time I need to figure out where I truly want to be and what I truly want to do, and when I want to do it. I won't have all the stresses that come with being a Harvard student (of which, academics are only the beginning). So, I'm facing post-college life with a bright smile, as my HoCo Secret Holiday Bunny wrote: "Keep being friendly and fun, because there are too many grumpy people in this world." So I will be. Much love and Merry Christmas!

Embrace the Inner Junkie

Political junkie, not, you know, crack.

As part of Hell Week 2009, I attended a job fair with different government (mostly federal) agencies. And I wonder why I thought anything else would be my calling. I'm not the deepest of thinkers. I'm not sure I can call myself a wonk. I don't know all the contours and crevices of every (or even one) public policy. But I love government. I love the work of government. Whether it's political or technocratic, I think it truly is my calling. So, after that encouraging episode of handing out resumes (although not quite like they were going out of style; I was a little more circumspect), I may have caught my second wind in the job hunt. Moral of the story: follow your dreams, people!

So, 3 midterms and one paper down, with one final paper to go, the end is in sight. This week wasn't perfect as far as the Sisyphean task of becoming a more dependable person, but considering the crushing burden I've felt since last Thursday, I would deem it a comeback.

Also, procrasturbation is my new favorite word. Thanks HarvardFML.

Decisions

Halfway through my final semester at Harvard, and I've finally come to some decisions about post-college life. First, I wasn't cut out for management consulting. Nor do I really want to do actual business stuff. So also considering I'm so not interested in academia, my only other option is ... government. So, plan B until I get to give the Foreign Service a second try is to stay on the East Coast (Boston, NYC, or DC) and give away my resume like it was going out of style. Of course, I'll need a place to stay in one of those cities....

3

I'm starting to fear I'm not really cut out for management consulting. And as the State Department already rejected me, I'm not sure how I feel about other government jobs. Fortunately, with all my job (and homework) woes, I have some bright side to look forward too.

La Révolution Ne Sera Pas Télévisée

It will be written. Or technically, blogged.

My own personal revolution, of course. Though if you want to talk about the ridiculousness that is the health insurance reform debate, feel free to comment, even if the proposals aren't all that revolutionary.

No, I'm in a crazy, stressed place (at least momentarily), but it's a temporary stop on a path truly forward. I'm mostly on top of the job search. HoCo is rolling along splendidly, so well that Jordan and I should probably step back and let others come forward. Classes, though not perfect, are going better than last year. I don't get to see my graduated friends as often as I should, and I don't stay in touch with my family that well either. And though the stress builds up. intensely at times, I don't ever feel like it won't get better. I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel, I've seen it, even if I lose sight of it from time to time.

PS. I've joined Kuumba, a gospel-ish choir at Harvard, woo!

On the Near Future

Countdown to New Mexico - 4 days

Something about scraping by on library assistant wages makes home seem even more welcome than before. Walking through the yard after work made me realize how much I still need to grow up, so I spent 2 hours in the Science Center "researching" jobs. Moral of the story: I'm afraid I'm fucked. And I'm afraid I don't really comprehend just how much I'm fucked. It is an unknown unknown!

New time-biding plan : Find a secret Harvard fund to pay for a White House internship in the spring. So as I try for the Foreign Service a second time, I will either have a job or work for Obama; win-win?

Slippage

Widener has turned out less well this week, but as always HoCo provides a bright spot. We've begun planning, and it seems that even though school is still 3 weeks away, the spark from last semester might still be there!

Living in Medford has been a blast, so much that even though I hate Boston winters (and probably will even more if I have to pay for heating oil), staying here after graduation is a top preference (maybe above New York, but not Spain). Of course, post-graduation plans require one thing, a job. And with this economy, who knows where that will show up.

And slippage, well, that refers to my confidence, which is slipping away after an unfruitful weekend in Provincetown (yes, I am that gay).

Summer Plans, 2009 Edition

Mr. World Traveler is at it again; I'm going to do an internship in Buenos Aires, Argentina! Made possible by the David Rockefeller Center for Latin American Studies (DRCLAS) and the Office of International Programs (OIP). I'm getting $3900 in grants, woot!

I'll be working with CIPPEC, a non-profit, think-tank-like organization focusing on "growth and equity." Tiniest drawback is that I'll have to learn Argentine Spanish. I think this will be a fabulous opportunity, and hopefully will help me get into the foreign service.

Daily Accomplishments

Who knows, this might become a regular thing:

1. Finished Personal Narratives for the foreign service officer selection process

2. Got accepted for the DRCLAS internship in Buenos Aires this summer

3. Finished taxes

4. Almost through financial aid application

Left on the almighty to-do list? Finish cleaning my room, catch up on readings, and write an unexpected paper. Oh, and have fun; it's spring break after all!

Where the Heart Is

As you can tell from the blog's title, I often think (some may say obsess) about home and what it means. Another cliche I might have used is "home is where the heart is." I often found that a profound, if unrealistic, statement. Most of us search our whole lives trying to find the people, and eventually, the special person, who complete and fill our hearts with so much love. Home, however, is a ready-made place for most of us. I am extremely lucky that I have a family so loving. They may not ever fully accept that I'm gay, but for the sake of that love, they are willing to at least ignore it and shower me with every other kind of support and encouragement.

Which is why I miss home so much this break. Thursday was a roller-coaster day of emotions. Yes, every bit of Rising Rabbits was an awesome experience and so much fun. But in between those high points came deep valleys of midterms and other academic setbacks, enough to discourage me from the progress I made last semester. Academically, I fear I find myself in the same place I was before I took time off; missing class to catch some sleep; needing it not because I stayed up late studying, but rather procrastinating on the inter-tubes. Going home for spring break may have recharged my batteries like going home for a semester did. But sadly, I'm stuck here, mostly by necessity, to work at Widener and earn some money. I also have a lot of work to do, like finishing my personal narratives for the foreign service process, catching up on the immense amount of reading I let slide, and still trying to make HoCo even more awesome.

I still love Harvard; both for the opportunities and because the people here are beyond amazing, and my friends are the best example I have of such awesomeness. But back in some small New Mexican town is where my heart is.

Loving These Crazy Times

The world's going to shit, but I'm having a swell time nonetheless. HoCo is amazing, my friends are great (my roommate since freshman year just turned 21!), and, some really good news: I PASSED the FSOT...YAY! Now I have 3 weeks to write a "personal narratives" which is basically 5 3000 character essays about how awesome I am and includes people to vouch my awesomeness. After that, they check to see if I lied/realize how I awesome I really am and then (hopefully), I get an invitation to take the Oral Assessment, which is an intense day-long interview. And on top of it all, I have classes with tons of reading and papers and midterms until Spring Break, along with a major HoCo commitment (Freshman Housing Lottery Day, woo!). Craziness. But I really am loving it!

It's My Birthday!

22, eek. I'm excited, I think I have a great year ahead of me. My weekend celebrations were the most fun I've had in a while, but that's because I have awesome friends.

I'm taking the Foreign Service Officer Test on Wednesday. I'm a bit nervous, but I'm good at taking tests, or at least I used to be. Wish me luck!

First Step Taken...

...towards a career, eek. I just registered for the Foreign Service Officer Test to join the Foreign Service, be a diplomat, and work for the State Department. Now I just to need to pass the whole rigorous process. I'll keep you posted!