Jumbled Thoughts

I have a lot of thoughts, most I don't share. I apologize if this blog gets repetitive/boring, I know my life's not that exciting (HoCo, homework, HoCo, other club, HoCo, omg stress, HoCo). But writing this blog has become a means of catharsis for me. I let out a lot of steam into the interwebs, hoping some of that will come back in decipherable smoke signals of some kind.

So, here are some hopes I'm releasing into the cyber-wind. I've been doing push-ups and ab work in my room every night. I'm up to 60 pushups and 180 crunches, bicycle crunches, and leg raises. 6 pack is slowly coming back, arms and pecs are bulking up. I have the feeling that if I started lifting actual weights (first getting over my self-consciousness in weight rooms), I'd get some kind of buff. Or maybe that's what I tell myself to make myself feel better, in an odd way, for not actually going to the gym. I do the same thing with my schoolwork, wait till the last possible second to write a paper, get a decent grade, and tell myself, "See Isaac, you could get an A if you started earlier." Just the possiblity is enough to assuage my guilt for procrastinating.

Yes, through exercising, I hope to make myself a more disciplined student, a more responsible co-chair, a punctual employee, a more energetic friend, able to spend time with my friends because I've done my work. And on that front, the self-improvement front, there is no discernible progress. I've missed French twice this week. I haven't started two papers, one due Monday, the other due sometime before then. I skip work without calling in. The lack of punishment or blowback (an angry email, a threatening letter, anything) only adds procrastinatory fuel to my fire of irresponsiblity.

I've also realized I suck at real dancing. I should stick to gay imitations of hip-hop, because I can't learn steps for shit.