Today Is the Day

I get my butt in gear. Classes are picked out (Literature and Sexuality, Gender and Performance, Intermediate French, and the Constitution and the American Political System). Books are (mostly) bought, schedule is getting filled in. And, in an odd twist on the usual, fun is being had. True, it's a lot crazier than I remember the first week back being, but 2am bedtimes come after productive HoCo work or life-planning, and soon, reading and paper-writing. Whatever comes after Harvard ends for me in 4 months, I know I can face it head-on, arms-wide-open. My future finally feels like I have control over it, like He has control over it. It feels like today is the day.

I'm Not Who You Think I Am

To all my friends, I lie to protect myself and to protect you. I'm not proud of it, but I doubt the truth would make things better. Morality rarely reasons in black and white; there are infinite shades of gray. The Christian idea of God, my idea of God, deals in absolutes, but humanity never does. Those few women and men who try are outcasts or failed presidents. What can I do but seek forgiveness from those my lies inadvertently hurt and try to make better decisions that require less lying. But I doubt I will be a perfectly honest person 100% of the time.

One Last Post...

...and then I HAVE TO get to work! But I read this article on a pastor in Seattle who preaches a hyper-masculine, damnation-to-most-people gospel in Seattle, and I had to comment on it. Apparently, Calvinism is making a comeback. I'm not too familiar with Reformation-era theology, but my relationship with God, though not the strongest, still tells me that this idea of who He is and how salvation works just isn't right. God may be an angry, jealous god, but He isn't anger and he isn't jealousy. Quite the contrary, the Bible says God is not just loving, but that He is love itself. And that selfless love that took away the sin of the world doesn't arbitrarily divide humanity into the heaven- and hell-bound, but stands there with arms open waiting for us to come to Him of our own accord. Salvation lies in the choice we make, not in the fate we have no control over.

Of course liberal queer that I am that Pastor Driscoll anathemizes, I believe in a wide salvation. A God who is the divine epitomy of good, will not, I believe, condemn anyone but the truly evil to hell. The vast, vast majority of people who are just lost in their own lives have done nothing to deserve that kind of torment. They may not have accepted Jesus as their personal savior, but they live a life of love for their family and friends, and what is more Christ-like than that? In short, Pastor Driscoll, for the love of God, get the love of God.

I'm Home

And it's a wonderful feeling, coming home.

A lot has changed since I've been away. My sister has a serious boyfriend, and our family actually likes him (including me!) For the first time in pretty much ever, being with my dad felt a little like being home, mostly because of his super-nice new wife. Who knows, at this rate, I may even start warming up to my mom's new husband. (My family's complicated, in case you haven't noticed). All this change is a little scary, I'll admit. But now I am extremely thankful for my faith which keeps me grounded and gives me a sense of place and belonging that will outlast any change in my life. Expect to hear a lot more about my faith in coming posts because it has become a big part in my life.