Home Away From Harvard

Friday Night Blogging

2010-05-21T22:15:00.002-04:00

Wow possums, it's been over a month. And I know you've missed me, so ... updates!
Fun-employment is over, yay! I've recently started a new (temp) job at Next Street, a merchant bank for inner-city small businesses (Google it). It's only been two weeks, but I'm really enjoying it so far. I've been learning a lot, mostly on my own. For example, to do one of my tasks, I had to learn very basic HTML. And best of all, I really feel like I'm making a difference, which for a temporary, entry-level, private-sector job is saying something. Sadly, I don't think I'm qualified for the permanent position, but I haven't given up hope yet. There's still one more DC fellowship to hear back from and maybe a fall campaign job (and then maybe a staff job), so the employment front is a lot brighter.

Yes, It Was All Part of a Plan

2010-04-15T15:15:00.004-04:00

Slow-blogging, let's blame my lack of verbosity on that. Much as I would like to say the time-lag between posts is a conscious effort to only blog after deep thought and meditation, that would be lying. In truth, I can count the times I truly thought deeply before writing something on one hand. I blame Harvard. But actually, I blame my bad, procrastinatory habits. Leaving papers for the last minute (a constant theme here no doubt familiar to you dear constant readers) left me no choice but to think quickly, and often incompletely and shallowly.

But now, in my post-college wilderness of free time, I find myself looking back, and concluding I actually did cheat myself with all my procrastination. What did I gain by sacrificing thinking and writing time to refresh a web page just once more? Next to nothing. And honestly, though some friends evinced amazement that I could actually leave papers to the night before and then hammer out some BS that could still get good-enough-though-not-great grades, I feel I am facing the consequences of four years of that kind of work ethic. Which is why I sit here, feeling like I'm a welfare queen, albeit one with an Ivy League diploma, jobless, and increasingly, feeling so confused about my future. Which reminds me, I should get back to my Foreign Service personal narratives. Ciao possums.

1 AM Blogging

2010-04-01T00:22:00.002-04:00

Ok possums, it's technically only 12:30, and wiser, more insightful words might be said (or typed) at a more reasonable time. But rationality hasn't been a strong suit lately. Still, it's spring, and with it comes green shoots. So, without further ado, the updates in my life: fellowship interviews have gone well and I should be hearing back in a few weeks. I made it to the next round of the foreign service officer process. This was the part I didn't pass last year, but it's been a year of great experiences (thanks HoCo!) that will make these "personal narratives" even more awesome (I hope) and get me to the oral interview part where I can wow them with my in-person charm and brilliance (and if that doesn't work, don't think I wouldn't sink to Monica Lewinsky levels). Also, routine gymming and M's ruthless insistence on healthy eating means I check myself out more in the mirror. Narcissistic? Maybe a little, but it sure beats my previous bouts of low self-esteem. Yes, so even though my comfy Widener job is ending this week, and don't know what exactly I'll be doing Monday, it's an interesting time in Isaac-land (long-lost friends, please come visit!). Plus all these essays I get to write means I'll have many opportunities for deep introspection. Stay tuned...

New Beginnings

2010-03-20T23:30:00.004-04:00

It's been a long time possums, but I feel the mood to blog. I guess a 7-mile run will do that to you. Yes, you read right. Seven. Freakin. Miles. Now, J-fa and I are training for a half-marathon. Nothing like a little self-punishment to get all the anger out, right? Why am I angry, you ask? Well, some people may be happy to discover their ex took three whole weeks to find someone new. Me, I got angry. And now, I'll channel that anger towards something productive. I imagine it'll be a great feeling of accomplishment when I finish that 13th mile in May.

On the work front, it's been mostly positive. A few interviews for fellowships have gone well, so I'm hopeful come June I'll have some certainty in my life. But in the meanwhile, I'm enjoying this sense of rootlessness. I guess a little sunshine brings some optimism.

2010-02-10T20:02:00.002-05:00

All good things must come to an end, right?

And the Oscar Goes To...

2010-01-16T22:46:00.003-05:00

It's been a long time possums. First things first: AVATAR! (WARNING: SPOILER ALERT) It was such a good movie! Yes, the plot may have been a recycled amalgamation of every white-man-turns-native-and-saves-the-day-plus-don't-be-greedy-save-the-rainforest storyline, but the effects drove the point even deeper than I've ever felt. I seriously cried when they destroyed the Hometree.

Second. Real life sucks. Ok, the past week and a half has been a lot of fun with blockmates and friends, but I don't know if I went to spend the best years of my life paying my dues. On the other (and probably weightier) hand, I don't see any other way forward. So here I am. Working at Widener ILL, bumming off my friends' couch and goodwill, trying to find a job and an apartment, and generally trying to figure out this thing they call life. Oh Harvard, so many opportunities you've provided and yet so little I feel I've actually learned/gained. At least you haven't completely kicked me off the teat. Yet. In the meantime possums, if you know of any interesting job opportunity in this sucky economy fit for a liberal arts gov major, let me know, k?

Ciao

PS. If you're a Mass. resident, please vote Tuesday for Martha Coakley. Kthnxbai

Well, That Was Unproductive

2010-01-06T02:12:00.002-05:00

A very unproductive two weeks. But it was vacation, after a very intense final semester of college, so I shouldn't feel too bad about slacking off, should I? So yes, I thoroughly enjoyed 2 weeks of laziness, TV watching (I now love the Golden Girls!), sleeping, and lots and lots of eating. And... I talked with J. A lot. I'll be going to NYC this weekend. Fingers crossed that absence and distance did make the hearts grow fonder. Now, off to find a job. And an apartment. (And lose the holiday blubber; as always, my resolution is to get that 6-pack back).
Ciao amores!

The End Is Nigh

2009-12-18T01:56:00.003-05:00

Hello possums. We're approaching the end of college life, and though still largely murky, the future is starting to take some shape. I have one last final (it would be gov, of course) and then I'm off to New Mexico for the holidays. After some hasty near-decisions, I have (temporary) employment (yay?) at ILL for a few months. As of yet, still no housing other than couch-surfing (if I haven't come begging yet, keep an eye on your email). But, as I was quite upset that I might not be on this side of the country (and thus, be far, far away from J) for what could have been a long while, I'm very satisfied with this turn of events. I'm sure the pay will be crap, and the work is quite tedious, but I'll be near and among my dearest friends in the world, a 4 1/2-hour bus ride to NYC, and have the time I need to figure out where I truly want to be and what I truly want to do, and when I want to do it. I won't have all the stresses that come with being a Harvard student (of which, academics are only the beginning). So, I'm facing post-college life with a bright smile, as my HoCo Secret Holiday Bunny wrote: "Keep being friendly and fun, because there are too many grumpy people in this world." So I will be. Much love and Merry Christmas!

What is This Jubilee?

2009-12-07T22:49:00.004-05:00

Exhilaration never felt so breathtaking. Undefined, unlabeled, unforeseen and still uncharted, but I will always choose adventure over complacency.

It's A Love Story

2009-11-23T06:50:00.003-05:00

Well, maybe not "love" quite yet. I've had bad experiences when that emotion is expressed prematurely. But I spent an entire romantic hour with J after the Harvard-Yale. I've been with J before, at Yale 2 years ago, and so I expected to at least see him again. I didn't expect to kiss in a hammock under the starlit sky, cuddling with our rival Harvard-Yale sweatshirts. Will it go somewhere? Unclear. He's in New York and I'm here for another month, and then on God's good humor after. Is it worth chasing his lead? Definitely yes. He's the closest chance I think I've had to my perfect guy: my age, hot, smart, fun and funny, and so, so into me.

But let's not rush things.

Update:

J and I are going to Four: A Winter Formal. Squeal!

Narnia Exists!

2009-11-18T16:46:00.000-05:00

A physicist explaining the multiverse!

I'm Not Takin' No Calls 'Cuz I'll Be Dancing

2009-11-14T03:07:00.002-05:00

Such a common refrain, but boys do suck. I know there's someone out there, and I just have to find him. It is harder for gay guys, and maybe it's just wishful thinking, but I think it'll be better/easier outside of Harvard.

Cool Obama

2009-11-03T18:49:00.001-05:00

Could any other president have a rapper perform a song about Alexander Hamilton at the White House?

Slutty Farmer

2009-10-30T00:06:00.000-04:00

Once again, I find myself doing crucial homework at the last minute, after wasting so much time procrasturbating and not fulfilling commitments to my work and extracurriculars. I rationalize it with arguments like "Oh, I had such a tough last week, with 3 midterms and 2 papers." Obviously, not dropping the ball on those means, hey, willpower, let's take a vacation this week. But I didn't even do my best on those big assignments because I'd been dropping the ball all semester, academically, extracurricularly, and employmentally.

How does it get better? It has to, if I'm going to have anything resembling a successful life. But I don't know where or how to go from here: to go from a serial procrastinator/flake to someone on top of his shit. And I'm not delving more deeply into this dilemma. Instead, I'm orienting my life around the next party (Halloween), planning my costume (slutty farmer), and obsessing over (another) straight crush.

Help?

Embrace the Inner Junkie

2009-10-21T23:15:00.003-04:00

Political junkie, not, you know, crack.

As part of Hell Week 2009, I attended a job fair with different government (mostly federal) agencies. And I wonder why I thought anything else would be my calling. I'm not the deepest of thinkers. I'm not sure I can call myself a wonk. I don't know all the contours and crevices of every (or even one) public policy. But I love government. I love the work of government. Whether it's political or technocratic, I think it truly is my calling. So, after that encouraging episode of handing out resumes (although not quite like they were going out of style; I was a little more circumspect), I may have caught my second wind in the job hunt. Moral of the story: follow your dreams, people!

So, 3 midterms and one paper down, with one final paper to go, the end is in sight. This week wasn't perfect as far as the Sisyphean task of becoming a more dependable person, but considering the crushing burden I've felt since last Thursday, I would deem it a comeback.

Also, procrasturbation is my new favorite word. Thanks HarvardFML.

Decisions

2009-10-17T23:08:00.003-04:00

Halfway through my final semester at Harvard, and I've finally come to some decisions about post-college life. First, I wasn't cut out for management consulting. Nor do I really want to do actual business stuff. So also considering I'm so not interested in academia, my only other option is ... government. So, plan B until I get to give the Foreign Service a second try is to stay on the East Coast (Boston, NYC, or DC) and give away my resume like it was going out of style. Of course, I'll need a place to stay in one of those cities....

3

2009-09-30T02:26:00.002-04:00

I'm starting to fear I'm not really cut out for management consulting. And as the State Department already rejected me, I'm not sure how I feel about other government jobs. Fortunately, with all my job (and homework) woes, I have some bright side to look forward too.

Well, At Least There's That

2009-09-25T20:15:00.002-04:00

One thing is finally consistently improving in my life. My gaydar. Sadly it doesn't mean I'm not attracted to straight men anymore, but I can definitely sniff out the closet-cases. Go me!

I Should've Majored In...

2009-09-22T01:31:00.002-04:00

Philosophy, or Literature, or History, or History and Literature. Basically, I should've been a humanities concentrator, because though I love politics, the ideas and theories behind political science can't compare with Freud and Foucault.

La Révolution Ne Sera Pas Télévisée

2009-09-17T23:57:00.004-04:00

It will be written. Or technically, blogged.

My own personal revolution, of course. Though if you want to talk about the ridiculousness that is the health insurance reform debate, feel free to comment, even if the proposals aren't all that revolutionary.

No, I'm in a crazy, stressed place (at least momentarily), but it's a temporary stop on a path truly forward. I'm mostly on top of the job search. HoCo is rolling along splendidly, so well that Jordan and I should probably step back and let others come forward. Classes, though not perfect, are going better than last year. I don't get to see my graduated friends as often as I should, and I don't stay in touch with my family that well either. And though the stress builds up. intensely at times, I don't ever feel like it won't get better. I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel, I've seen it, even if I lose sight of it from time to time.

PS. I've joined Kuumba, a gospel-ish choir at Harvard, woo!

Today Is the Day

2009-09-10T02:11:00.002-04:00

I get my butt in gear. Classes are picked out (Literature and Sexuality, Gender and Performance, Intermediate French, and the Constitution and the American Political System). Books are (mostly) bought, schedule is getting filled in. And, in an odd twist on the usual, fun is being had. True, it's a lot crazier than I remember the first week back being, but 2am bedtimes come after productive HoCo work or life-planning, and soon, reading and paper-writing. Whatever comes after Harvard ends for me in 4 months, I know I can face it head-on, arms-wide-open. My future finally feels like I have control over it, like He has control over it. It feels like today is the day.

And So It Begins (Again, but For the Last Time)

2009-09-01T11:57:00.003-04:00

Back at Harvard. Just a week shuttling between Tucson and Bayard was far too short, but it was good to see my family. I thought starting HoCo planning in July would ease the workload, but no, the craziness has begun in earnest. But I'd be lying if I said the stress-caused adrenaline doesn't thrill me, until it kills me. Also on the to-do list, make some money (because Paolo is expensive), find a real job, and, oh yeah, get good grades. But I feel confident this time around. Maybe it's a false sense of confidence, because it's my last semester, but I have faith in myself, and that's been missing for a while. It's gonna be a great 4 months!

Poetry for a Happy Heart

2009-08-20T11:56:00.004-04:00

I CELEBRATE myself, and sing myself,
And what I assume you shall assume,
For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you.
~Walt Whitman

Progress. Improvement. Good atoms. They belong to my beloveds as much as they belong to me, are products of myself. I celebrate my parents; for all their faults, their self-sacrificing love gave my hopes wings. I sing my friends: new, old, and in between. They, you, are myself. As much a part of my now soaring spirit as my earliest memories, my deepest secrets, my darkest fears, my lightest wish. Love-atoms we assume together, and though I may regret this come self-consciousness, for now a happy heart beats life to the far corners of the world. In our world, storms pass. Nature is mostly kind most of the time. Let us celebrate the greater kindness and sing the warmth of a companionship of lifetimes. I celebrate you. You sing me. And we belong to the good.

On the Near Future

2009-08-18T22:28:00.004-04:00

Countdown to New Mexico - 4 days

Something about scraping by on library assistant wages makes home seem even more welcome than before. Walking through the yard after work made me realize how much I still need to grow up, so I spent 2 hours in the Science Center "researching" jobs. Moral of the story: I'm afraid I'm fucked. And I'm afraid I don't really comprehend just how much I'm fucked. It is an unknown unknown!

New time-biding plan : Find a secret Harvard fund to pay for a White House internship in the spring. So as I try for the Foreign Service a second time, I will either have a job or work for Obama; win-win?

Slippage

2009-08-12T22:43:00.002-04:00

Widener has turned out less well this week, but as always HoCo provides a bright spot. We've begun planning, and it seems that even though school is still 3 weeks away, the spark from last semester might still be there!

Living in Medford has been a blast, so much that even though I hate Boston winters (and probably will even more if I have to pay for heating oil), staying here after graduation is a top preference (maybe above New York, but not Spain). Of course, post-graduation plans require one thing, a job. And with this economy, who knows where that will show up.

And slippage, well, that refers to my confidence, which is slipping away after an unfruitful weekend in Provincetown (yes, I am that gay).

Irony

2009-08-07T12:41:00.002-04:00

Old people rioting? I'm really interested to see what kind of political conversations/arguments I'll get into with my family when I go home in 2 weeks. Almost my entire family is conservative and vote Republican even if they're registered Democrats. Me, my mom, and my sister being the lone exceptions. From what I hear from my mom, my grandparents and uncle might be birthers, and though I hate calling my family lunatics, believing Obama is Muslim and was born in any place other than Honolulu is quite crazy. (This mostly stems from a religious, rather than racial, bigotry.)
In past political discussions, I've been too ashamed/fearful of being called out for not knowing enough, so I haven't been as vocal to my family about my librul views. I think if health care reform comes up, that'll change. Because if my 65+ yo grandparents start spouting nonsense about "socialized, government-run health care", well, hello Medicare.

What Just Happened?

2009-08-05T10:18:00.003-04:00

One moment I'm wasting away time in a foreign country, sleeping entire days away. The next, I'm waking up early and on time to work 3 days in a row. I credit being back among some of my dearest friends, sharing an awesome apartment during a wonderful summer.

Or maybe it's just a fluke :)

Also, name change. Again.

Update: For those who didn't know, I'm staying with lovely friends Marcela, Nguyen, and Hai Xi until their 4th roommate Darren comes back. Ginormous apartment near Davis. Sweet!

Requiem for a Lost Summer (almost)

2009-07-24T07:43:00.002-04:00

And I can only blame myself. I had more money and more acquaintances in BA than I did last year in Barcelona. I had a ready-made family who were awesome beyond words. Even my internship had potential. But I chose the easy route and wasted it all away. Not to entirely discount the fun I've had with the friends I've made here, but there should be more to an international experience than clubbing. So, yes, the work I've done for my internship wasn't challenging, a bit boring, and pretty useless to the organization. But I could have done more, put a little more into it, instead of jumping on any excuse to slack off (I've feigned sickness so many times this summer). As for the rest, I have no excuse. The exchange rate made money so much less of an issue, I had people to explore with, I've had friends who have been here before. I had a family who was more than willing to give me tips on where to go and how to get there. And now with only one week left, I feel like I've cheated myself out of what could have been the best experience of my life.

But you'll notice the almost in my title. I still have one week left in Argentina. Not enough to turn everything totally around, but at least to start making amends. And then I have nearly a month in Boston. With a "real" job and most of my closest friends. And yes, the shame from these past 7 weeks. I can't let myself waste it again. The "real world" is fast approaching, and if I want my last semester to be the best it can be, I need to shape up before then. I've failed, but I'm not failure.

Crazy Bitches!

2009-07-20T21:34:00.002-04:00

Gay Argentina has proven to be pretty damn similar to gay America, unfortunately. The story is not fit for the interwebs, so let me know if you want to hear it when I get back to Boston in 2 weeks (eek!). This summer has flown by, and though I don't have much to show for it in professional terms, it's been a very informative and transformative time.

Viva la Patria

2009-07-01T01:48:00.002-04:00

Long live the motherland. That's how la presidenta Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner ended one of her pre-election speeches. Which is a perfect segue into discussing the enchanting quirks of this paradoxical country.

Let's start with swine flu. (I'll insert here that I feel qualified to opine on this because I was a victim of the Harvard Commencement Swine Flu Epidemic in early June 2009.) Argentina has the 3rd largest amount of cases of swine flu and everyone is freaking out (I saw so many face-masks on my way to work today). They cancelled two weeks of school, adding them to the traditional winter recess, so kids here get the entire month off, lucky bastards!

Now let's move on to politics. Legislative "midterm" elections were held on Sunday and CFK and her husband (and alleged power behind the throne) Nestor Kirchner took a beating. Still, this country is far to into personalistic leadership (though as an Obamaphile, perhaps I'm not exactly one to talk). However, robust and sustained party-building would do a lot to strengthen political institutions and finish consolidating a still-young democracy. At least there hasn't been a coup. (Too soon?)

Oh yeah, and Buenos Aires is awesome. I rode a horse for the first time in my life; it was great! And slowly, ever so slowly, I feel myself becoming more of the person I want to be. Life is good.

Happy Pride

2009-06-29T03:02:00.005-04:00

So, yes, I realize it's been Pride month all of June, but it technically commemorates yesterday, the 40th anniversary of the Stonewall Riots in New York, where some angry queens got mad at hell at some cops for busting up their good times (and their faces) and weren't gonna take it anymore. Every gay has a "coming out" story, or coming to terms with "it" story. And coming out is a liberating, if frightening, process. We owe that to Stonewall, which sparked the gay "liberation" movement. I never quite understand how people can say gays aren't fighting for civil rights and that our fight doesn't belong in the pantheon of civil rights struggles, from abolition to suffrage to the civil rights movement of Dr. King & Co. What are we fighting for, rallying for, and yes, sometimes even dying for, if not to be treated as equal members of a free society, to be accepted for our nationalities, our religious creeds or lack thereof, the colors of our skin, and yes, the direction of our orientation. Human sexuality is just that, innately human, and unquestionably deserving of equality and justice under the law as a human right.

For those who know me, you are well aware it takes but a few moments within meeting me to at least guess that I'm gay. And while I struggle with striking the right balance on expressing it, I haven't struggled with that fact itself in many years, a blessing I am thankful for, for being secure in my sexuality gives me strength ... and energy to be insecure about other things. I thank God for a family that loves and accepts me, knowing my gayness is who I am, as immutable as my melanin-rich piel, even if some of them are still in a bit of denial.

So, counting my blessings, I choose to celebrate Pride this way. I pray that those still in the closet will find the inner strength and courage to come out, to your parents, to your family, to your friends, to your co-workers, and to live your life openly each and every day. This way, we will reach out to the society around us, make them aware of our presence, earn their tolerance, if not their acceptance, and thus, make it easier for the young men and women, trapped in pockets of deep repression and ignorance, to live their own lives with human dignity.

Oh yeah, and watch this episode of Kings, the best show NBC has ever stupidly canceled.

Con amor desde Argentina!

Third Time's the Charm, Right?

2009-06-17T01:43:00.002-04:00

To become fluent in Spanish, that is. Starting my second week in Buenos Aires, which would make this my third summer in a row a Spanish-speaking country. What to report? I'm the oldest person in the DRCLAS group. Unsurprising for a "super-senior". What is surprising is that I should actually feel it. Not to belittle the amazing sophomores whom I've met, liked, and befriended, but hanging out with them sometimes makes me feel old. Perhaps it's because this is my 3rd international experience, and for many, this is only their first. And I'm also a little jealous of them; they have so much to do with their Harvard experience. I hope they take full advantage of it!

My host family is the absolute best I could've wished for: so nice and welcoming, yet also flexible and able to give me the distance a 22-year-old needs. And they both are great cooks!

And that leaves my internship. It just began today, but it wasn't exactly an auspicious start. I was in the office for an entire hour, where they showed me around, told me I'd be working in an entirely different part of the organization (institutional development) than what they had told me last week, and then gave me some reading material and saw me out the door. I also go in for only 4 days a week, 4 hours each day. Good thing I'm not relying on a paycheck for them, but I don't know what I'm going to do with all this free time. I also hope I do get something meaningful out of this, not just for my resume, but on a personal level as well.

Cautiously optimistic.
Ciao.

ps. I still need a place to stay in Cambridge (as close to Harvard as possible) for the month of August. A comfy piece of floor will do. Let me know :)

Ultimatum to Self

2009-05-29T05:55:00.002-04:00

So many thoughts running through my head, but it’s after 5 and I have to be at work in 4 hours! Perhaps I’ve been reading too many “far-left” blogs tonight, but I’m enraged. I’m enraged at what the Republicans/Far Right are saying about Sonia Sotomayor as they try to stop her from sitting on the Supreme Court. I’m outraged that Ben Nelson gets to call himself a Democrat though he won’t support a public option for health insurance or direct student loans from the federal government. For that matter, I’m outraged at a lot of Senate Democrats who won’t back progressive legislation because it’s politically “inexpedient” and “it takes 60 votes to do anything”. Memo to Senate Democrats: It only takes 50 votes to pass something, you can make the Republicans filibuster (I’d really like to see them talk for hours on end about why we should continue to increase global carbon levels at unsustainable rates, or why universal healthcare is a bad thing, or how exactly we are going to pay to clean up their mess--God forbid we raise taxes!). Yes, you can. You just don’t want to, and I’m willing to bet it’s because you love your job more than the people you represent, you love the money you get from your corporate/rich donors more than the best interests of the other 99.9% of Americans. I’m outraged.

I’m also outraged at myself. I’m mad that I didn’t make it to the next round of the Foreign Service process. I can only blame myself. I’m mad that I let really good grades at the beginning of the semester slip through my fingers, turning in 2 papers days late and not studying for the finals until the last minute. I pulled through, thankfully, with still-decent grades. But I’m not willing to settle anymore, not willing to say “oh well, maybe next time Isaac” or “at least I got a B”. I’ll still have my fun, but I won’t pass off my responsibilities. I can’t. I still have ambitions that 4 years of Harvard haven’t beaten out of me. Sonia Sotomayor got summa cum laude at Princeton. It’s far too late for me to get that here (not even cum laude, sadly), but that doesn’t mean I surrender to the voices I’ve heard around me and in my own head, that I’m an “affirmative action” pick, that I don’t deserve to be here, that I took the place of more qualified (white) people. I’ve surrendered for way too long, I’ve cowered behind my setbacks, allowing them to snowball into failures. But no longer. I don’t deserve anything from this life, it’s too capricious. But I know I can make something of myself. I may not be a genius, but I am smart enough to be at Harvard. I maybe weak-willed at times, but I didn’t survive a childhood of poverty to not gain any strength from it. I may be out of touch with my faith at the moment, but I don’t keep a bible on my nightstand in vain. I don’t express it often in words, but I return the love of my friends and family from the depths of my heart.

I don’t have definite answers, concrete steps to take, but I know there is an answer, I know there is a path ahead. And I refuse to stay on the ground, licking my wounds, fearing more. My outrage at the circumstances around me can change little, thought I will do the little I can to change things. The outrage at myself is a consequence of the consequences of my choices and actions. Those choices I can do something about. I can make different ones. I will make different ones. I won’t procrastinate. I won’t start papers or study for tests at the last minute. I won’t skate by on “decent grades” anymore. I won’t sleep when I can make better use of my time. I won’t rest on my laurels or expect future ones to come to me. I will chase my dreams, as wildly, yet thoroughly as I did in high school (as oxymoronic as that may sound). I will dream bigger dreams and plan accordingly. I won’t waste any more time not making memories with my dearest friends. I won’t wait for a man to rescue me, but I won’t shirk from the chances to meet him. I will tell my family everyday that I love them.

No more excuses, no more “maybes” or “tomorrows” or “laters”. It has to, and will, start now. This is a blog post for me, but wherever you are, whenever you read this, hold me to this promise in any way you can, but know if you don’t, that I do, and will continue to. These are bold promises, and I can’t say exactly what changed inside, as I’ve had this internal counseling session so many times before. All I know is that something is different now. I’m different now. I only have a semester left at the best university in the world, and I don’t want to waste it like I mostly have the last 7. I will take the fullest advantage of the road I have at my feet, like I should have done since the beginning, instead of psyching myself out. The old Isaac is back, hopefully with the old drive, but with the new attitude. And it’s good to be back.

Two down...

2009-05-18T19:57:00.003-04:00

...One to go. Finals, that is.

But, first, prayers for a speedy recovery to the victim of a shooting at Harvard this afternoon. As a friend was saying at dinner, with our budget being slashed, and now this, it makes us realize we aren't fully sheltered in Harvard bubble separated from the world.

Now, back to part of what I regurgitated for my American Foreign Policy final this morning. The New York Times reported that after meeting with the prime minister of Israel, President Obama (still can't get over that), has set something of a deadline for Iran to comply with his diplomatic overture.

After a delicate Oval Office session with Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu of Israel, President Obama said Monday that he wants a positive response from Iran to his diplomatic opening by the end of the year and is keeping open “range of steps, including much stronger international sanctions” if it fails to respond.

As I learned in AmFoPo, the steps in "coercive diplomacy" are diplomacy -> threat of sanctions -> implementation of sanctions -> threat of force -> demonstrative use of force -> war, and for such diplomacy to be successful requires 4 things. 1) Absolute clarity of acceptable terms, 2) Sufficient domestic support, 3) Sense of urgency, and 4) The target state must be more fearful of escalation than you are. A state must also be willing and ready to carry out all threats made and diplomatic negotiations don't cease during escalation.

Obviously, with regards to Iran, we've jumbled up the process, which perhaps is why we haven't made much progress with them. Soon after our embassy was hijacked in 1979, we cut diplomatic relations (now conducted through the Swiss), skipping negotiations and the threat of sanctions and went straight to sanctions. Fortunately, for us, Iraq under Saddam didn't like the Iranians much either, so during their decade-long war in the 80s, we didn't have to do much to Iran. But with Saddam now out of the picture, Iran's relative power in the region has only grown, and now they feel they can safely pursue nuclear technology, which is their right as a sovereign country under the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty (NPT) if used for peaceful purposes (really only to generate electricity) of course, the U.S. and especially Israel fear they mean to develop a nuclear weapon, which is not their right. Of course, to resolve the situation (allowing IAEA inspectors to verify there are no nukes, or getting Iran to abandon uranium enrichment completely) without war, we need to know what they want, but without negotiations (thanks to Bush's stubborness), we don't know. And again, the graf makes it seem Obama is putting the cart before the horse, creating a sense of urgency and threatening escalation before knowing what our acceptable terms are and according to polls, without public support for what could be a military encounter with Iran.

Of course, further down

As for Iran, Mr. Obama said that he was keeping open “a range of steps, including much stronger international sanctions” for dealing with Iran if it proceeds with its nuclear program.
He said he hoped for progress on his diplomatic opening to Tehran by year’s end but added that he saw no reason to set any artificial deadline.

But maybe the Israel Lobby had them bury that down there.

Finals Stress and Gayness

2009-05-17T02:38:00.003-04:00

[Sorry in advance for another sentimental, not too sensical post about stress.]

At my Lev library shift today, I had a minor panic attack. I have 3 finals in a row starting Monday (morning, afternoon, then Tuesday morning), and I'm nowhere near prepared for any of them. To complicate things, I had thought I'd be done with major HoCo responsibilities, but I've learned since formal that as co-chair, your responsibilities are never done. Fortunately, Jordan, my co-chair, is so awesome. But there are still those 3 finals and study guides to write, read, and memorize, and while I won't fail (knock on wood), after turning in papers 4 days late for 2 classes, I need to do well to bring up my GPA, which is horrendous right now. Other things I have to take care of, but have pushed off until after my finals include preparing for the arrival of 10 family members for commencement, figuring out how I'm going to survive in Argentina without going totally broke, and, of course, trying to make the most of the little time I have left with my friends who are graduating (really, where did senior year go?!)

But that's all peripheral to a deeper tempest within: a near identity crisis. Am I too gay? Too flamboyant? Too "femme"? Normatively, I know I shouldn't be offended by any of those things. But here I sit boyfriend-less, scouring M4M personals and striking out on dating sites (really more like hook-up sites), and I can't help but think that if I were less "gay", I'd have a boyfriend by now. And I debate whether my flamboyance is an act or a natural expression of who I truly am. Because I can turn it off when I'm at home, and don't want to attract too much attention to myself when I'm with the uber-religious grandparents/father. But here at Harvard, I get into a zone where I'm comfortable letting out the "oh honeys" and "girlfriends" and sashaying and other "stereotypically gay" verbal and physical expressions and mannerisms. But still, those are conscious, not unconscious, decisions. My friends harmlessly tease me when I do something "gay", but I don't think they always realize that I made a conscious choice to do it, most often to get a laugh out of them.

So I can "tune it down", but should I? Would I be happier, even if it helped me get a boyfriend? Because if the only reason he consented to go out with me was because I locked away the tiniest hint of femininity behind a "neutral" facade (because I can never be truly "masculine"), I'd always be on an edge with him, constantly policing my every thought, word, and action to not let anything "gay" slip. Could I live like that? Would it be worth it? I would say no, but neither am I completely happy with the present course of action. So, what to do?

Welcome to My Party

2009-05-10T04:02:00.006-04:00

Vindicated, validated, and verified - Leverett is the best house ever.

HoCo put on an awesome formal (over 500 people showed up, more than twice as many as the previous most-successful formal). The praise has been overflowing, and quite frankly, we deserve it. We put in so much sweat and tears (and yes, sometimes blood), to prove that we had enough resources, creativity, vision, and dedication to make an in-house formal even better than it would have been at Top of the Hub. Who can complain about absolute classiness and a $15 open bar? Was it perfect, of course not. But it was damn near close, and for as long as I keep my sanity, I will remember Casablanca.

Here's looking at you, Lev.

Super Procrastinated

2009-05-06T04:47:00.003-04:00

I turned in a gov paper 4 days late. We'll see what the penalty is. I'm currently writing a paper due at 4 this afternoon, with only one source entirely read....5 years ago or so. French homework I've put off for two days, as well as missing three days of class in a row and totally screwing up the oral final, and not studying for the written final in 5 days. Plus, I have 3 3-hour finals in 2 days.

What can I focus on? Formal. After a kind of rocky start to the semester, a financial flop at the 80s, and months-old controversy surrounding formal, I am determined to make Casablanca the best formal Leverett has ever seen. Now if only crises would stop popping up every few hours. Oh well, character through adversity, I guess.

Bright spot - My family's coming to Harvard for the first time in less than a month!

Failure

2009-04-26T16:04:00.002-04:00

So this is what failure feels like. Last night's 80s Dance did not go as well as it usually has, and true, there were a lot of extenuating factors beyond HoCo's control (economic calamity, pre-frosh born after 1989), but as co-chair, I feel I bear, or should bear, a lot of the blame. I feel like a failure.

Summer Plans, 2009 Edition

2009-04-20T01:17:00.003-04:00

Mr. World Traveler is at it again; I'm going to do an internship in Buenos Aires, Argentina! Made possible by the David Rockefeller Center for Latin American Studies (DRCLAS) and the Office of International Programs (OIP). I'm getting $3900 in grants, woot!

I'll be working with CIPPEC, a non-profit, think-tank-like organization focusing on "growth and equity." Tiniest drawback is that I'll have to learn Argentine Spanish. I think this will be a fabulous opportunity, and hopefully will help me get into the foreign service.

Slipping Through My Fingers

2009-04-20T01:07:00.004-04:00

As usual, I'm writing this as a way to procrastinate on my 6-page paper due tomorrow. This weekend, besides being as unproductive as all the others, took a turn for the worse when I started flaking out on my friends and HoCo. I love both of them; they give extraordinary meaning to my time and purpose here at Harvard. But something in me would rather waste time on the internet, or sleep, than go to Drag Night or plan formal. And the worst part is I'm losing time with most of my friends who, unlike me, will not be returning for a semester. There is less than 2 months to spend with them, and a well-balanced person would do his homework so he can fit in HoCo responsibilities and find time to hang out with his friends. But if the take away point from this year-old blog is that I'm not a well-balanced person. And the time to change that is slipping through my fingers.

Jumbled Thoughts

2009-04-09T01:15:00.002-04:00

I have a lot of thoughts, most I don't share. I apologize if this blog gets repetitive/boring, I know my life's not that exciting (HoCo, homework, HoCo, other club, HoCo, omg stress, HoCo). But writing this blog has become a means of catharsis for me. I let out a lot of steam into the interwebs, hoping some of that will come back in decipherable smoke signals of some kind.

So, here are some hopes I'm releasing into the cyber-wind. I've been doing push-ups and ab work in my room every night. I'm up to 60 pushups and 180 crunches, bicycle crunches, and leg raises. 6 pack is slowly coming back, arms and pecs are bulking up. I have the feeling that if I started lifting actual weights (first getting over my self-consciousness in weight rooms), I'd get some kind of buff. Or maybe that's what I tell myself to make myself feel better, in an odd way, for not actually going to the gym. I do the same thing with my schoolwork, wait till the last possible second to write a paper, get a decent grade, and tell myself, "See Isaac, you could get an A if you started earlier." Just the possiblity is enough to assuage my guilt for procrastinating.

Yes, through exercising, I hope to make myself a more disciplined student, a more responsible co-chair, a punctual employee, a more energetic friend, able to spend time with my friends because I've done my work. And on that front, the self-improvement front, there is no discernible progress. I've missed French twice this week. I haven't started two papers, one due Monday, the other due sometime before then. I skip work without calling in. The lack of punishment or blowback (an angry email, a threatening letter, anything) only adds procrastinatory fuel to my fire of irresponsiblity.

I've also realized I suck at real dancing. I should stick to gay imitations of hip-hop, because I can't learn steps for shit.

Birth of a Politician

2009-03-30T21:59:00.002-04:00

So apparently, one of my HoCo co-chair campaign promises was to have Leverett spring formal at Top of the Hub, a restaurant on top of Boston's tallest skyscraper, the Prudential Tower. I was intrigued by this option last semester, when Lev joined Quincy, PfoHo (with whom we won Risk two years ago), and Cabot (who just tags along with PfoHo?) to have formal in a tent in the quad. It was a cheaper option that saved us a lot of money, sold out, and though not perfect, was a pretty damn good party.

Which is the stage for the current debate. This semester, Top of the Hub is again an option for formal. Tickets would be $30 and a cash bar only (where drinks are at least $8). Or, we could do something that's never been done before, have a multi-venue formal in our own house, for half the cost of Top of the Hub. While Top of the Hub does have an amazing view, and experiencing formal there for $30 is basically a steal, the arguments for Lev courtyard formal won me over both personally and as co-chair.

I think our Old Library, as a former HoCo member said, is one of the best kept secrets of campus party spaces. An elegant tent looking out over McKinlock's beautiful view of the Charles would be almost as good as Top of the Hub. And the cheaper price means a more diverse set of Leverites would come out. Plus, open bar.

In short, I'm reneging on a campaign pledge. It's sad what a politician I've become.

Re-Grooming the Elite

2009-03-30T02:25:00.003-04:00

Two pieces on the crisis everyone should read. Of note, Simon Johnson in the Atlantic article talks about breaking the elite, and points to the view of Goldman Sachs as a training ground for public officials, especially in the Treasury Department and the Federal Reserve System. But a deeper trace of where this elite originates from would lead Prof. Johnson no further than down the street from MIT.

It angers/saddens/confuses me when I still see posts on email lists at Harvard touting careers in finance. For my first 3 years here, "I-banking" was the field to go into, trumping any other high-minded goals one may have had pre-college. Much ink/bits have been spilled on the debate over the "right" career course for a Harvard graduate might be, and I'll give the Crimson a lot of credit for that (even if I'm too lazy to link to anything right now). I hope a more substantive and definitive answer to that debate will come out of this crisis. I hope my peers will realize they have a moral duty to look beyond their future big bonuses and payouts, and instead of becoming the fresh recruits of a moribund oligarchy, become dedicated to using their intelligence to transforming the way Wall Street does business.

Who Doesn't Love a Gay Sandwich?

2009-03-27T23:40:00.001-04:00

Daily (non) Accomplishments

2009-03-26T01:09:00.002-04:00

Because Daily Failures seemed a little harsh. But basically, not a productive day. Apologies for the inane postings, but I'm bored@harvard (sometimes, I miss that site) and don't really feel like working on yesterday's to-do list. So, I'll regale you all with links, yay!

1. My go-to gay blog looks at my home state from a queer angle.

2. Rascal Flatts, one of my favorite country acts, show their queer fans some love.

3. Ciara and Justin Timberlake have a sexy new video. Too bad the song it goes to isn't as sexy. Sad face.

Daily Accomplishments

2009-03-25T00:54:00.002-04:00

Who knows, this might become a regular thing:

1. Finished Personal Narratives for the foreign service officer selection process

2. Got accepted for the DRCLAS internship in Buenos Aires this summer

3. Finished taxes

4. Almost through financial aid application

Left on the almighty to-do list? Finish cleaning my room, catch up on readings, and write an unexpected paper. Oh, and have fun; it's spring break after all!

Where the Heart Is

2009-03-24T00:36:00.002-04:00

As you can tell from the blog's title, I often think (some may say obsess) about home and what it means. Another cliche I might have used is "home is where the heart is." I often found that a profound, if unrealistic, statement. Most of us search our whole lives trying to find the people, and eventually, the special person, who complete and fill our hearts with so much love. Home, however, is a ready-made place for most of us. I am extremely lucky that I have a family so loving. They may not ever fully accept that I'm gay, but for the sake of that love, they are willing to at least ignore it and shower me with every other kind of support and encouragement.

Which is why I miss home so much this break. Thursday was a roller-coaster day of emotions. Yes, every bit of Rising Rabbits was an awesome experience and so much fun. But in between those high points came deep valleys of midterms and other academic setbacks, enough to discourage me from the progress I made last semester. Academically, I fear I find myself in the same place I was before I took time off; missing class to catch some sleep; needing it not because I stayed up late studying, but rather procrastinating on the inter-tubes. Going home for spring break may have recharged my batteries like going home for a semester did. But sadly, I'm stuck here, mostly by necessity, to work at Widener and earn some money. I also have a lot of work to do, like finishing my personal narratives for the foreign service process, catching up on the immense amount of reading I let slide, and still trying to make HoCo even more awesome.

I still love Harvard; both for the opportunities and because the people here are beyond amazing, and my friends are the best example I have of such awesomeness. But back in some small New Mexican town is where my heart is.

Best. House. Ever.

2009-03-18T01:04:00.001-04:00

Leverett House 2009 from Leverett House on Vimeo.

I Respectfully Disagree

2009-03-16T21:24:00.002-04:00

So the Crimson's new FlyByBlog is sizing up all of Harvard's houses in anticipation of Housing Day on Thursday, when the freshmen will be sorted, sadly using computers instead of a singing hat. Unfortunately, the Crimson editors got their series off to a rocky start when they gave Leverett a BBB rating. The truly sad part is that the author of the Lev post actually lives in Leverett. All I can say is he and I haven't been living in the same house this year.

In other news, I have two midterms this week (tomorrow, and Thursday, FML). I'm getting a little exasperated with Gossip Girl, hopefully tonight's slightly-less-horrible-but-still-off-its-peak episode was the end of all those silly, pointless side stories, probably created just to give Chuck, Nate, and Vanessa something to do. What pissed me off the most was that Chuck's little "I have to find this really hot chick and save her" adventure seemed to have nothing to do with his character development after Bart's death. If I'm not gonna learn anything new about a character, these masturbatory sidetracks are beyond useless. Gossip Girl is my guilty pleasure, but the pleasure is increasingly hard to find. CW, take note.

Let's Try Not To Jinx This

2009-03-14T16:23:00.004-04:00

I had a wonderful drunken time last night with Sade for her birthday weekend celebration kick-off. We pre-gamed in her room, then finally made it to Gypsy Bar, which was cool, though I don't know if the music was exactly what Sade wanted. I met two of her good friends from high school who were hilarious and so much fun! (As a side note, I really do enjoy meeting new people, especially when I'm drunk.) We got back to Harvard around 2am, decided we wanted food from Eliot Grille because they have bacon, clogged our arteries a little more with mozzarella sticks, and then headed back to Lev. And then the fun started, but I'm not ready to reveal anything just yet...

Democrats Do It Better

2009-03-10T23:22:00.002-04:00

Remind Me...

2009-03-09T21:02:00.002-04:00

That pulling all-nighters usually means I'm doing something wrong, not right. And yet, I take a perverse pride in my masochistic tendency to procrastinate until the very last minute. I may work well under pressure, but I hardly ever give myself the opportunity to learn if the reverse is also true. Could I work better, get better grades, if I started papers earlier? I hope so, because if I can only do work when running against a deadline, I'm in for very unbalanced life filled with sleepless nights and wasted days trying to recover.

Identity.Politics.

2009-03-07T19:38:00.003-05:00

What am I? I'll admit, it's not a question I often ask myself. My last name and dark skin usually give me away as Hispanic, not that I'm trying to hide anything. But reading about the Census and how they determine the racial make-up of the country got me thinking, what race am I? Almost every time I see the word "Hispanic," there's usually the caveat that "Hispanics can be of any race." Which is true, but rather unhelpful to someone trying to figure out their origins. And figuring out my origins is important to me because I do subscribe to the belief that to know yourself, you must know where you come from. So where do I come from? New Mexico, and except for my paternal grandfather, who did immigrate from Mexico (Guadalajara, Jalisco, to be exact), the rest of my family has lived in New Mexico as long as they can remember, which I've estimated to be at least the late 1800s, if not earlier. Still, "New Mexican" only describes place, "Mexican" is a nationality, not a race (and I usually don't say I'm Mexican), and "Hispanic" is an ethnicity. And that I'm comfortable with.

But what race am I? Here, for me, for many Hispanics, and increasingly, for a lot of Americans, it gets tricky. Ours has never been a country that is fully informed or enlightened on matters of race, after all, even the tiniest drop of African blood classifies one as black, and often dooms him or her to a lifetime of discrimination. For me, living in a community that was predominantly Hispanic, I never worried too much about race and ethnicity, and the issues that arise from being from a minority. Still, it often intrigued me that "Hispanics" could be light-skinned with almost blond hair (termed "guero" in Spanish) to my olive tone, to even darker. Truly a product of intermarriage and racial mixing going back to the earliest waves of European colonization, this "mestizo" heritage defines me, my family, and the Hispanic community well. I look at my pale-skinned maternal grandmother and my dad's blue eyes and realize I am part Caucasian. I notice my own copper-toned skin and hear stories about an Apache great-great grandmother and know I am part Native American. But never have I classified myself as white or Native American on any of the many bubble sheets today's students are so used to filling out. But neither have I said I'm of "mixed" race, though undoubtedly I am. Instead, when forced, I list myself as "other."

But I'll stop before taking more of your time talking about my "otherness."

Loving These Crazy Times

2009-03-03T16:24:00.004-05:00

The world's going to shit, but I'm having a swell time nonetheless. HoCo is amazing, my friends are great (my roommate since freshman year just turned 21!), and, some really good news: I PASSED the FSOT...YAY! Now I have 3 weeks to write a "personal narratives" which is basically 5 3000 character essays about how awesome I am and includes people to vouch my awesomeness. After that, they check to see if I lied/realize how I awesome I really am and then (hopefully), I get an invitation to take the Oral Assessment, which is an intense day-long interview. And on top of it all, I have classes with tons of reading and papers and midterms until Spring Break, along with a major HoCo commitment (Freshman Housing Lottery Day, woo!). Craziness. But I really am loving it!

How Do You Cope...

2009-02-25T01:16:00.002-05:00

with procrastination? With the stresses of everyday life? Me, I seem to not cope, or at least, not cope well. Instead, I hide under my bedcovers, cowering from the mountain of homework, commitments, and responsibilities. I waste away days sleeping, seeking escape in a dream-world where there are no papers due tomorrow, no life decisions to be made. Once again, as with the semester before I left, I find myself shirking my duties as a student, as a son, and as a friend. I check the most meager item off my to-do list and call it a productive day, ignoring the upcoming barrage of deadlines and due dates. I know I'm not alone in these feelings, as today's Crimson feature of Harvard's Mental Health Awareness Week showed. I know there are places and people I can turn to to get help. The problem is that I utilized these resources before, shouldn't that mean I don't have to again? Shouldn't I have learned something, grown, matured, and now be able to deal with the repeated circumstance on my own? Or will this pride, fear, and doubt lead to another failed semester?

If This Isn't Love, Then Tell Me What It Is

2009-02-13T23:16:00.003-05:00

L-O-V-E? More like an obsession, or many. Unhealthy? Most likely. Going to end anytime soon? Most likely not. Again, head-over-heels obsessed with presumably straight men. It's not that I'm not attracted to gay men, it's that the gay men I am attracted to seem to not be attracted to me. It's a sad, sad conundrum.

In happier news, this week saw a significant improvement in self-discipline. After being so disgusted at myself for sleeping until 1pm on Monday, I've been awake by 9:30 most days; more than enough time to get to class. Now, my goals are to not waste my weekends. Because with all my HoCo responsibilities (which I love), I need to really structure how I use my time. Since my days are filled with class and work (I have 6 hours of class on Thursdays, ew), and my evenings largely are devoted to extracurriculars, the weekends are the biggest chunk of time I have to do my mountains of reading for this semester and, eventually, work on papers. Indeed, after my last semester was so surprisingly academically successful, I can't help but wonder what kind of grades I'll get if I actually start papers sooner than the day before they're due.

It helps that I have external incentives for maintaining interest in my classes and keeping up with the work . For Gov 1790: American Foreign Policy, the fact that this is basically what I hope my job will be (assuming the FSOT on Wednesday went well, I think it did) is a damn good reason to do the reading (I actually really like one of our books, can't put it down!) and write good papers, starting with rough drafts and seeking TF advice.

For Gov 1295: Comparative Politics of Latin America, though the material is interesting and taking another Latin America-themed course last semester prepared me well, the biggest reason for me to go to class is the extremely hot TF, who set off my gaydar when I saw him the first day of shopping period. That's usually a bad thing, unfortunately, because I have notoriously bad gaydar, but I'm foolishly optimistic still. We'll see how it plays out.

French is getting more difficult, but I'm still committed to learning it. I purposely blocked my schedule around my fall section because I have the best TF.

And my last class is a gen ed (called the Core at Harvard), Literature and Arts A-17 - Childhood: It's Literature, History, and Philosophy. Basically, we analyze many of the books I read as a child. How awesome is it that my favorite childhood book, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, is on the syllabus for this class?! Unfortunately, there are a ton of other books that I'm too poor to buy right now, so I'm quite behind on the readings. But as far required lit classes go, I think I ended up with a pretty good option.

So class and HoCo has been my life the past couple of weeks. My birthday weekend was a brief, but very welcome interlude. Next weekend I'll be senior staff for Harvard Model Congress, a U.S. government simulation for high school students. My first paper (AmFoPo) is due shortly thereafter. Busy, busy. But please, friends, feel free to distract me. Above all, you give my life meaning. And that's love. Happy Valentine's Day!

Wait, I Thought the Democrats Won.

2009-02-09T19:42:00.002-05:00

Fuck bipartisanship, fucking do something. SNL hits the mark:

It's My Birthday!

2009-02-08T15:53:00.001-05:00

22, eek. I'm excited, I think I have a great year ahead of me. My weekend celebrations were the most fun I've had in a while, but that's because I have awesome friends.

I'm taking the Foreign Service Officer Test on Wednesday. I'm a bit nervous, but I'm good at taking tests, or at least I used to be. Wish me luck!

Thank You Dan Savage!

2009-01-28T16:41:00.000-05:00

Saddlebacking: sad•dle•back•ing \ˈsa-dəl-ˈba-kiŋ\ vb [fr. Saddleback Church] (2009): the phenomenon of Christian teens engaging in unprotected anal sex in order to preserve their virginities

After attending the Purity Ball, Heather and Bill saddlebacked all night because she’s saving herself for marriage.

I Don't Wanna....

2009-01-28T00:54:00.003-05:00

...go to school tomorrow. Harvard needs to give us a way longer break than just 5 days. In other news, I didn't get a State Dept. internship for this summer, but I did get off academic probation, yay! Somewhat surprisingly, it was my best semester since freshman year grade-wise. Hopefully this means I will get a job this summer. Fingers crossed everyone!

CNN really does equal politics!

2009-01-25T01:42:00.002-05:00

Fascinating, utterly fascinating.

In other news, I had a great date tonight. We'll have to have a talk about appropriate boundaries though. We saw Bride Wars. It wasn't as bad as I had heard; 1 1/2 thumbs up.

It's Time to Put Away Childish Things

2009-01-23T02:33:00.002-05:00

Our new president took that line from 1 Corinthians 13:11. And just as it applies to America collectively, it very much applies to me as an individual. It's time I stop assuming everything will work out if I just put in minimal effort. I don't deserve anything to happen to me; I must earn it. At Harvard, the sense of entitlement can be almost overbearing, and not just from the privileged. I have been guilty too many times of thinking, childishly, that it is almost a right to get a good grade, an internship, a good job. But it isn't a right. And I've realized that my procrastination won't end until I change how I my outlook on life, until I truly understand that not only success, but survival as well, requires a lot of effort and perseverance. I have to make sacrifices. I have to take responsibility.

I'm Not Who You Think I Am

2009-01-19T02:56:00.003-05:00

To all my friends, I lie to protect myself and to protect you. I'm not proud of it, but I doubt the truth would make things better. Morality rarely reasons in black and white; there are infinite shades of gray. The Christian idea of God, my idea of God, deals in absolutes, but humanity never does. Those few women and men who try are outcasts or failed presidents. What can I do but seek forgiveness from those my lies inadvertently hurt and try to make better decisions that require less lying. But I doubt I will be a perfectly honest person 100% of the time.

Almost finished!

2009-01-15T01:25:00.002-05:00

One last final next week, woot! I don't know how I survived the past few days, but thanks to everyone who helped/yelled at me (really, thank you!)

I do need to seriously work on my procrastination. The real world will not accept late papers (or the equivalent), even if they are "just a few hours" late. But overall, I'd say this semester was pretty successful, which means taking time off was even more worth it. Now let's hope I find a summer job, and then a real one.

Take care everyone!

One Last Post...

2009-01-11T15:20:00.002-05:00

...and then I HAVE TO get to work! But I read this article on a pastor in Seattle who preaches a hyper-masculine, damnation-to-most-people gospel in Seattle, and I had to comment on it. Apparently, Calvinism is making a comeback. I'm not too familiar with Reformation-era theology, but my relationship with God, though not the strongest, still tells me that this idea of who He is and how salvation works just isn't right. God may be an angry, jealous god, but He isn't anger and he isn't jealousy. Quite the contrary, the Bible says God is not just loving, but that He is love itself. And that selfless love that took away the sin of the world doesn't arbitrarily divide humanity into the heaven- and hell-bound, but stands there with arms open waiting for us to come to Him of our own accord. Salvation lies in the choice we make, not in the fate we have no control over.

Of course liberal queer that I am that Pastor Driscoll anathemizes, I believe in a wide salvation. A God who is the divine epitomy of good, will not, I believe, condemn anyone but the truly evil to hell. The vast, vast majority of people who are just lost in their own lives have done nothing to deserve that kind of torment. They may not have accepted Jesus as their personal savior, but they live a life of love for their family and friends, and what is more Christ-like than that? In short, Pastor Driscoll, for the love of God, get the love of God.

As the Procrastination Continues...

2009-01-10T16:06:00.003-05:00

...I'm becoming more informed on current events. For example, my governor, Bill Richardson (D-NM), withdrew his nomination for Secretary of Commerce last week, after it was revealed he was facing a grand jury investigation into a pay-for-play scheme (a nicer way of saying corruption). Of course, no charges, indictments, let alone convictions have happened, but word on the political street is that Obama's team pushed hard for Richardson to step down to avoid expending political capital on the Senate approval process. Personally, I wish they would have gone through with the nomination. Richardson is quite good at any political job he takes. New Mexico has definitely improved under his watch. And as far as New Mexico politics goes, what some people think Richardson might have done is not at all outrageous, as the New York Times is discovering. It's a little ironic, however, that this story would come out a day after the Times praised Santa Fe to the high desert sky. I entirely support capping campaign contributions and creating an independent ethics commission for both the executive and legislative branches. But then, I am I near-socialist Democrat.

Speaking of socialism, how's that economic stimulus going Barack? Apparently, not too well when a Nobel Prize-winning economist and high-ranking senators from your own party call your plan inadequate. Oddly, I think this a brilliant political move on Obama's part, as Nate Silver observes. The president-elect is practically begging people to tell him what to spend money on. Starting on the low end of what most economists think is needed gives Congress, especially Democrats, political cover to add building projects in their districts. In the midst of a pretty bad recession, and with fears of a depression looming, this isn't wasteful "pork," but economy-saving, job-creating stimulus projects. Unfortunately, Obama, being the post-partisan savior that he thinks he needs to be, is putting a lot of tax cuts into the stimulus plan. Not that tax cuts for the poor and lower-middle class aren't good, it's just that those $300 billion go a lot further when paying for infrastructure projects rather than tax credits. Also, tax cuts to business aren't so good, as Matt Yglesias shows. Overall, $1.3 trillion is an unimaginable amount of money, and will double the already record-breaking $1.2 trillion budget deficit. But I'll take a shit-load of debt if it means our economy will have the possibility of paying it off, rather than sacrificing economic recovery just so fiscal conservatives can sleep better.

So New Mexico political upheaval: check. Economic crisis: check. What's left? Ah yes, Israel-Palestine. And I'm not going to touch it, but to say that everyone involves knows what they need to do. Israel needs to remove its settlements from the West Bank and allow the Palestinians to fully govern themselves. They also need to understand that there is such a thing as over-reaction, and bombing the shit out of Gaza does not equal self-defense. The Palestinians and the rest of the Arab world need to realize that Israel is here to stay and deal with it. Its destruction is not an option, at all. They need to stop blaming Israel and the West for their endemic under-development and poverty, which only create breeding grounds for extremism and terrorists.

All that's lacking is the political will on both sides and around the world to do what needs to be done, a la Jimmy Carter. The U.S. is in the best position to give Israel a good shaking. And of recent presidents, Obama is in the best position to help the rather ignorant American population that peace is in the best interest of Israel, and that peace can only be achieved through Israel withdrawing its settlements. I support Israel, and I support the peace process because I support Israel.

Thanks Lev!

2009-01-10T01:50:00.004-05:00

At Harvard, sophomores, juniors, and seniors live in houses, Harry-Potter-style. Houses function not just as dorms, but can really become communities of great friends. Leverett House has become that for me, and being on the House Committee (HoCo) that runs social life at the house has only made my Harvard experience better. Tonight, I got the chance to give back to HoCo and Lev.

Thank you to all my Lev friends who voted for me for co-chair. I ran with two amazing candidates and great friends, Jordan and Simin, who are really awesome people, nice, kind, and so much fun. I wish circumstances had been different and somehow we could all be co-chairs, but I know Jordan and I will have a successful year as co-chairs and make Lev the best house at Harvard!

Lev love!

ps. Another example of why I have the most amazing friends in the world. Thanks Izzy!

Countdowns

2009-01-08T23:14:00.003-05:00

1st week of StickK commitment to exercise regularly:
1 workout down, 2 to go by Saturday

Finals
0 down/ 4 to go

Overall, not a very good performance rate, but oddly, I'm not too stressed about it. Maybe it's the endorphins from my run this evening, lol.

First Step Taken...

2009-01-06T22:34:00.002-05:00

...towards a career, eek. I just registered for the Foreign Service Officer Test to join the Foreign Service, be a diplomat, and work for the State Department. Now I just to need to pass the whole rigorous process. I'll keep you posted!

On Progress, Resolutions, and Faith

2009-01-06T00:29:00.005-05:00

I guess I should have written a "resolutions'' post 5 days ago. Oh well. The only resolution I made this year was to stay more in touch with friends and family members. I thought this might be the only resolution I could keep. I've made more resolutions in past years, only to cast them aside weeks, if not days into the new year. Of course, this blog counts as one of the methods of communication, but I do intend on Facebooking, MySpace-ing, calling, and yes, old-fashioned letters via snail-mail. I always like getting letters in the mail.

I wanted to make a resolution about exercising, but I figured I'd just break it. But then Connie told me about StickK, a website that helps you keep your commitment by betting money on yourself! So, I signed a contract that I will go to the gym three times a week for 12 weeks, or else $5 will go to the George W. Bush Presidential Library for each week I miss my goal. Since not one cent of my money will go to that criminal idiot, I think I might actually keep this goal!

And while those are good plans, I realized something when I was in Tucson with my dad the last couple of days of break. I need to reconnect with my faith. Going into my complicated history with religion would take longer than this one post, but suffice it to say that growing up in a strict, uber-religious Pentecostal family is not kind on a gay kid. As I started to grow up, I rebelled against my church's doctrine, but I also felt tremendous guilt and fear that my gayness was a sin and I was going to hell for it. It was finally when I was about 15, after going through a sort of traumatic experience in high school, that I understood that God made me gay for a reason. And it wasn't so I would spend eternity in hellfire, but because who I am, who I'm attracted to, who I want love and spend the rest of my life with is not a sin, because sin requires a choice, and I know I never had a choice in the matter.

Still, even though I had reconciled my sexuality with my relationship with God, I still didn't feel comfortable in church, listening to the pastor sermonizing away about the evils of the world that I didn't see the way he did. When I got to college, with no grandparents calling every Wednesday and Sunday asking why I hadn't gone to church, I quit going. And my relationship with God suffered. Yes, I still believe in God. There may be quite a bit of atheists at Harvard, but I've seen and felt too much in my life to not believe in Him. And as that relationship suffered, other areas of my life started to as well. Is it entirely logical that this would happen? No, I'm sure a mental health professional could comb through every event in my life and come up with a more reasonable explanation for why my grades, my discipline, my willpower, my inner strength and integrity all plummeted after the first semester of freshman year. But faith defies logic, defies reason. And to my heart and spirit, it makes sense in its own way.

Does this mean that I'm suddenly going to give up all my "vices" and become St. Isaac the Pure? Highly unlikely. But it does mean I start to act more Christ-like, with more love and more humility, to give more thought before I speak or act, to carefully weigh the choices before me. It means that I watch my language more, that I try to stop letting my desires get in the way of my dreams, and that I choose the path of righteousness, with prayer and meditation on His Word.

This post might come as a surprise to many friends and acquaintances that read this blog. I'm not known to be much of a practicing Christian here at Harvard. But these thoughts have always been in me, sometimes bursting into my consciousness as I try to sleep. And I hope that by publicly declaring that being a Christian is just much, if not more, a part of me as being gay, that I will be able to be a better friend and through that, I will show His love.

I May Need Help

2009-01-02T16:23:00.002-05:00

Professional help that is. With my procrastination. Another late paper, and I had 2 1/2 weeks and slept through most of it (it is my vacation). One thing I do know, my adult life does not bode well if I can't learn some discipline.

Homo for the Holidays

2008-12-23T01:24:00.002-05:00

First time I've been online since I've been back in lovely New Mexico. Or not so lovely, it's about as cold here as it was in Cambridge, brrr. I've been really enjoying my vacation, perhaps a little too much considering I have a paper due the day after New Years (I hate Harvard sometimes). What makes it worse is that it's for a class (nano-things) I don't like and have stopped going to. We'll see how it goes. Hopefully better than my Latin American relations paper, which I turned in an hour late after skipping class.

But that's all peripheral, because now I'm home with my family who I have missed and am glad to be spending time with (apart from this little internet jaunt, obvi). In a breakthrough of sorts, I'm not so afraid my sexuality will come out. I've faced my real failures, and being gay is not one of them and if my family wants to know that, I'm ready to let them know.

Goodwill towards men.

ps. I've never had so many dreams about Harvard peeps than I have in the past few days, crush included. They've been fun, hehe.

I Think It's Broken

2008-12-15T20:47:00.004-05:00

My gaydar that is. Apparently my new crush really is straight. Why do I keep falling for straight men? Oh well, something else for me to work on.

In other news, one paper down (and 3 days late), one to go. Don't know how this one will go though, because my crush will be at a party tonight and I really want to go (ok I still have my doubts about his sexuality, sue me). Plus, election victory parties are always fun, especially when the other guy is such a douche. I'll let you all know how it turns out. In the meantime, I want a boyfriend for Christmas. Kthnxbai

UPDATE
F>>M Victory Party = total win, and I had way to many glasses (or Solo cups) of champagne. Yay for impromptu Monday night dance parties (I'm looking at you Nick Noyer)!!!

New Results!

2008-12-13T20:23:00.001-05:00

PS. Leverett Formal (Menage a Quad) was amazing. I love being on HoCo!

[untitled]

2008-12-10T00:28:00.003-05:00

Here I stand,
Standing on the brink of love for you.
Here I am,
Waiting on the edge for a glimpse of you.
The precipice might just kill me.
But it's alright as long as you're with me.
Here I stand.

Crushing is fun/hard.

Armchair?

2008-12-08T19:58:00.002-05:00

Ah, "pop" quizzes. Love them? Yes, I do. But I also don't agree them. First time I took this "seduction quiz" I was the "Tantrum." Now, I'm the...

T-minus 2 Weeks

2008-12-03T20:29:00.003-05:00

I have two weeks left until I go home for Christmas. Unfortunately, I have a midterm and two papers due before I leave and I did not get any work done over Thanksgiving break, so it won't be a sprint, more of a slow, burdensome trudge till the end. The worst part, it's not even the end of the semester. Because of Harvard's retarded schedule, I have to come back right after New Years to study for and take final exams.

Personally (as in psycho-emotionally), I'm sort of in a rough patch right now. It takes a lot for me to say that because I know friends and at least one family member reads this blog. But if there's one thing I did learn from my semester off, it's that it's ok to admit to being weak, to needing help. Doing so doesn't diminish me as a person, nor detract from past and future accomplishments. I fear it's a return to exactly one year ago, with missing classes and waiting until the last possible minute to finish assignments. But the fear isn't enough of a deterrent, and ironically, neither is a positive result (like good grades) for poor work. It just creates a dangerous feedback mechanism, where I push the boundary of procrastination, somehow manage to pull of a 7-page paper in one night, get rewarded for it, and try to push it even further. After some success with this freshman and sophomore year, I pushed a little too hard junior fall and got burned horribly. So what's the plan for the next two weeks, with major homework, trying to earn some money, pressing extracurricular commitments, and not to mention some relationship issues all vying for attention? I don't have a fucking clue. And it scares me.

On a lighter note, gay celebrities and allies made this awesome video about Proposition 8 (or as I like to think of it, Prop H8). Enjoy!

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

I Am Thankful

2008-11-25T23:36:00.003-05:00

For friends.

Friends who comfort me through the sad times of my life.

Friends who entertain me through the slow times of my life.

Friends who keep me grounded through the proud times of my life.

Friends who encourage me through the discouraging times of my life.

Friends who love me through every time of my life.

Unsure

2008-11-20T01:33:00.002-05:00

I'm so restless. I can't concentrate on any one thing, can't do my homework, I get bored easily at every webpage I look at. I know I have a problem when not even porn can keep me entertained for very long. What to do? What to do?

Britney Spears...

2008-11-17T19:41:00.001-05:00

...is back! Her new album is hott!

It Feels So Good...

2008-11-12T19:57:00.000-05:00

...to be clean.

No STD s= yay!

Why I Love Disney Movies

2008-11-11T21:42:00.002-05:00

I went to see High School Musical 3 today. It made absolutely no sense, but was still so good. So here are my reasons for loving Disney movies:

1. The songs are so catchy!
2. Happy endings for everyone!
3. Zac Efron, please marry me

Life Goes On

2008-11-10T23:17:00.003-05:00

The election is over and the inauguration of Barack Obama as the 44th President of the United States cannot arrive soon enough. But still, life goes on. Personally, I'm trying to re-focus on schoolwork. It's a little difficult after the rush of excitement that was election day. Instead, I still find myself constantly refreshing political sites. Hence, I came across this NY Times article on how the South is becoming rather irrelevant to national politics. In so many words, it actually calls southern whites racists. And through both empirical and anecdotal evidence, I wouldn't disagree with it. Really, maybe we should have just let them leave when they wanted to.

Which brings me to my next point: the passage of Proposition 8 in California, which constitutionally banned the newly-won right to same-sex marriage. I haven't blogged about this mostly because my thoughts are confused. Obviously, I'm horrified that such a liberal state like California (come on, marijuana is practially legal there!) would actually write discrimination into its state constitution. Still, I can't help but feel optimistic that change will come. If you look at the breakdown of the electorate, 18-29 year-olds voted overwhelmingly against Prop 8. The older you go, the more bigoted you get. Time is on our side.

C-O-N-G-R-A-T-U-L-A-T-I-O-N-S!!!!!

2008-11-04T22:02:00.000-05:00

President Barack Obama!!!!!

What is Freedom?

2008-10-28T17:00:00.002-04:00

From this blog:

FDR named the four freedoms that have become standard-bearers in liberalism: freedom of speech, freedom of religion, freedom from want, and freedom from fear. Right wingers seem to have changed these up for themselves to be freedom of speech (for right wingers), freedom of religion (for misogynist Christians), freedom from thinking, and freedom from challenge. The latter two seem to be the underlying values of all right wing culture war movements. Gay rights and evolutionary theory violate their “right” to be free from having their beliefs challenged so that they have to think about them. Birth control, abortion, and the right to die with dignity make it hard for them to make the “right” choices because they’re sorely tempted to make choices that have the power of reason behind them but are in violation of their religious beliefs. Having options forces you to think about what you want, and that violates their freedom from thinking.

Oh Fair New Mexico

2008-10-28T01:06:00.002-04:00

Yes, I love my state. Especially during election years. Even more so when Barack Obama has a damn good chance at winning our 5 electoral votes. Icing on the cake would be the Dems sweeping all our congressional races. If my district (the 2nd), southern, large, rural and heavily conservative elects a Democrat, I could die happy. So show some love to Harry Teague, we're gonna turn New Mexico true blue!

ps. I did not know New Mexico had such a high rate of same-sex couples, 9th in the nation!

Questioning, Trying, Getting Better

2008-10-22T23:50:00.002-04:00

This post's title was my Gchat status for a few weeks, so a friend asked me about it.
L: what's your away msg about?19:24 Yo [as in "me"]: oh, just the usual, sleeping too much, procrastinating a lot, not getting work done, flaking out on things

but things are better now

L: aww you're so good at self-reflection

19:25 and being constructive

Yo: haha, thanks

19:26 L: i'm still procrastinating, after 21 years

and not getting work done

19:27 Yo: well, i'm procrastinating at the moment too, so it's not a perfect situation, but it could be (and has been) a lot worse

19:29 L: just these past weeks?

Yo: no, mostly before i took time off

L: with classes or other things

oh okay

Yo: but i sort of felt it getting to that point a couple of weeks ago

19:30 L: don't worry!

19:31 you're picking it back up
And I am picking it back up. I've been waking up on time for class (really, a small but important improvement), I've earned pretty decent grades on my work so far, and I feel connected to a lot of my friends (though there are some I'd still like to see more of). I don't know what the direct cause of all this was. A mini-epiphany maybe, about a week and a half ago that I need to pull myself together. I have to get off academic probation and get my GPA up (I will need a job, eventually). I have a lot of work left to do, but it is getting better.

Je ne desire pas etudier

2008-10-20T00:43:00.001-04:00

School will be the death of me. At least when I take it seriously, as I've been doing.

That is all.

Obama-Nation!

2008-10-14T00:15:00.002-04:00

Because I don't quite feel like doing my reading, I'm going to overwhelm you all with my love for one Mr. Barack Obama. What can we say about Obama that hasn't been said before? Pretty much nothing, but I am more excited than ever to vote for him. (If only my motherf***ing absentee ballot would get here!) My dear roommate has to keep reminding me not to get my hopes too high, after all, we all know what happened 4 years ago, when we thought the country was smarter than to reelect Bush. But then I constantly refresh this site, and I get flooded with ecstasy. Yes we can! Also, how amazing is Britney's new single? Loves it. Peace out bitches.

We Return to Our Regularly Scheduled Programming

2008-10-08T23:04:00.003-04:00

Sorry for the absence folks. Harvard is a dominatrix and I'm its bitch. Seriously. I pulled my first all-nighter Monday night (after 4 hours of sleep Sunday night) to write 7 page gov paper that sucked serious balls. But I have some time and I thought I'd share with you all some of my thoughts on the current financial "crisis."

Some good news, in response to Wall Street shoving the $700 billion (yes, with a "b") back in our faces and then seeing stocks tumble like a drunk on a unicycle, the economic geniuses we have in charge (yes, that was sarcastic) have decided the time has come to nationalize parts of our financial system. About. Damn. Time.

McCain Acts Like a 6 Year Old

2008-09-24T20:15:00.003-04:00

You remember when you were really little, and you were playing a game, and you started to lose, and then you called for a time out.

Yeah, too bad some of us don't really grow out of that. Even worse, one of those people wants to be our president. I guess we're starting to see the strategy of the McCain campaign, all stunts all the time, at least when you're not blatantly lying about your opponents. But there's hope, since the Sarah "I can see Russia from my house" Palin thing hasn't gone so well (half the country doesn't think she's qualified to be vice president). Besides, John McAncient, shouldn't a president be able to multi-task? You can't go to your real job and try to win the presidency at the same time? Really? Maybe you just need to take longer naps grandpa.

On Organizers and Economics (and the Self)

2008-09-23T01:43:00.002-04:00

Hello friends. I'm taking a brief break from reading 200 pages for my government seminar on US-Latin American Relations to update you (loved ones at home and friends I somehow don't get to talk to here) on my life. In three words, I'm doing well. I've been able to wake up on time for class every day, which is a super-huge improvement from last year. True, 10:30am is not early in the real world, but for me, it's a step forward, and hopefully proof that taking last semester off was a) a good idea, and b) successful in de-stressing and getting re-energized. I've been taking advantage of all the opportunities Harvard has to offer, a lot more than I was able to when I was so overwhelmed. A definite plus is that I actually enjoy my classes this semester. Introductory French is so much fun! Gen Ed science ("Invisible Worlds" on microscopic objects and their behavior) is interesting. My two gov classes (Politics of the European Union and Latin American Relations) cover areas that hold the greatest interest for me. Academically, this year has so much potential.

On a more personal level, I've found reconnecting with friends to be relatively easy. I was a little scared that I might have trouble getting back into the social-ness of college life, but having great friends (and a handy email list) solved that. True, being seniors, our lives are super busy, trying to get jobs, take tests, get into grad/law/med school, but I've enjoyed the year so far and I'm looking forward to many more good times.

As part of the "taking advantage of Harvard" thing, I went to Manchester, NH (affectionately termed Manch-Vegas by the Harvard Dems) to canvass for Obama. For the campaign newbies among us, canvassing is basically knocking on doors, asking people some questions, and taking down their answers to provide campaigns with all sorts of information that helps them win. Of course, I canvassed for Barack Obama, as well as for Jeanne Shaheen for Senate. It was a really fun time with friends, and I made new ones too. The best part was that with almost 150 Harvard students, we were able to cover the entire city, knocking on almost 3400 doors, well worth giving up a few (ok, 8) hours on a Sunday where I probably wouldn't be doing anything anyway. With only six more weeks until the election, every day, every volunteer, every door knocked on and every voter contacted is crucial.

As the past week on Wall Street demonstrated, this is election is crucial. While all Democrats can't be excused from creating the financial crisis we're in, this was mostly of result of the natural greed of major Wall Street players being allowed to run unchecked and unregulated by a Bush Administration and 12 years of Republican control of Congress that held deregulation as a fundamental principle of their rule. And 4 more years of Republicans in the White House would be even worse because the appearance of financial institions that are "too big to fail" can be attributed to former Texas Senator Phil Gramm, whose Gramm-Leach-Bliley Act of 1999 removed the New-Deal-era ban on combining investment banks with regular deposit banks. Now who is Phil Gramm top economic adviser to? John McCain. Now because regualr banks of every stripe were allowed to give mortgages to anyone with a heartbeat and package and resell them in way too complicated finanical instruments to investment banks, we find our government contemplating the $700 billion Mother of All Bailouts to save our entire financial system from collapsing, which currently written, will most likely allow Wall Street fatcats to turn a profit at taxpayer expense. For an excellent critique of the plan, check out the New York Times' Paul Krugman, my favorite pop economist.

So please, friends, do your part, and help take our country back from the obscenely wealthy and the Republicans who service, I mean serve, them. Elect Barack Obama president! Ciao.

Spain Part Deux

2008-09-18T22:33:00.001-04:00

Note to McCain: Zapatero does not equal Zapatista

2008-09-18T16:53:00.002-04:00

McCain doesn't know shit about Spain, including where it's located and who its prime minister is.

This pisses me off for obvious reasons. More to come when I get out of work.

Update
So, according to Matt Yglesias, John McCain didn't mix up Spain and Latin America or Zapatero (the President of the Government or Prime Minister), he just refuses to meet with him, a la Bush, who has not gone to Spain since Zapatero came to office in 2004, and also hasn't invited him to the White House.

So a little background: the Spanish prime minister before Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero, was Jose Maria Aznar of the conservative Partido Popular. He was one of the original members of the "Coalition of the Willing" and sent troops to Iraq. But then terrorists linked to al-Qaeda bombed the main train station (Atocha) in Madrid, killing hundreds, and his government tried to blame it on ETA, the Basque separatist militants. This happened a few days before the elections, and in response to the attack and the lying, the Spanish voted Aznar out and Zapatero and the Socialists in. Now, by this point, Aznar and Bush were pretty good friends, but one of Zapatero's major campaign pledges was to pull the Spanish troops out of Iraq, and unlike most politicians, he kept his promise. And since then, Spanish-American relations have been pretty chilly. As a side note, Zapatero and the Socialists were reelected in March with an even larger plurality in the Spanish parliament, but the Spanish economy has plummeted in response to the sub-prime mortgage meltdown.

It really is ridiculous if this is how McCain feels about Spain, a NATO member, EU member, and the world's 9th largest economy. And this just makes me dislike him even more, because I love Spain.

God Bless Tina Fey

2008-09-15T15:44:00.003-04:00

Saturday Night Live is back for a new season and it opens with a hilarious sketch of Hillary and Sarah Failin'

"And I can see Russia from my house!" = ROFLMAO

And this weekend, I'm putting my money where my keyboard is and campaigning for Obama in New Hampshire!

I'm Back!

2008-09-10T19:12:00.002-04:00

The Wanderer has returned to fair Cambridge! It's so wonderful to see old friends; I am so happy and excited right now. A little tired, as well, so the unpacking has come to a halt. But my room is big, has somewhat of a view, and I'm living with some of my best friends here. Overall, life is pretty sweet and I fully expect this year to be awesome. I also hope to keep you faithful readers up to date on my so-called life. It should be fun, this being the first semester when I'm legal! Drunkenness is always best in the company of friends.

Vacay Is Fun

2008-09-06T21:46:00.006-04:00

And sadly, it's coming to an end. This is my last weekend at home and next Tuesday, I'll be back at school. Hmm, what am I gonna call the blog then?! But until then, I know you've all missed my witty, intelligent political commentary, so let's pick up where we left off.

The Democratic National Convention was delightful. Hillary Clinton's speech kicked PUMA ass. But John McSame was not to be denied. Pretty much equating every politician with a vagina to Hillary, John McAncient chose first-term Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin (pronounced PAY-lin) as his VP running mate. Really. The Republicans must think Clinton supporters, especially women, are retarded (But that's unsurprising). You can't just pick a political unknown, have her drop Hillary references like they're going out of style, and expect Democratic women to flock to you, especially when you stand for the complete opposite values and issues that Hillary stood for. The McCain-Palin ticket smacks of desperation and their treatment of Sen. Obama and us, his supporters, embodies the divisiveness, hatred, and fear-mongering that is Karl Rove-style politics.

There is no better example than the Republican National Convention. It seemed that every speaker was trying to out-do the previous one in attacking Obama and the Democrats. The bitter cherry on the hate-filled sundae was Palin's acceptance speech. Now I am a fan of sarcasm and snarkiness, but to praise "service" one night and then ridicule the years Obama spent as a community organizer the next reeked of self-righteous hypocrisy. Yes, Palin can deliver a good speech, but it was as substance-less as you would expect from someone so unqualified to be a 72-year-old heartbeat away from the presidency.

Fortunately, the Daily Show and Colbert Report coverage of the RNC so made up for it. I especially love this clip. Apparently the only small-town value is homophobia.

Ciao!

I'm Home

2008-08-27T18:49:00.002-04:00

And it's a wonderful feeling, coming home.

A lot has changed since I've been away. My sister has a serious boyfriend, and our family actually likes him (including me!) For the first time in pretty much ever, being with my dad felt a little like being home, mostly because of his super-nice new wife. Who knows, at this rate, I may even start warming up to my mom's new husband. (My family's complicated, in case you haven't noticed). All this change is a little scary, I'll admit. But now I am extremely thankful for my faith which keeps me grounded and gives me a sense of place and belonging that will outlast any change in my life. Expect to hear a lot more about my faith in coming posts because it has become a big part in my life.

Obama-Biden!

2008-08-23T18:06:00.002-04:00

So Obama picked Sen. Joe Biden (D-DE) as his running mate. I'll take Obama at his word that he's the best guy for the job, though I'll admit my disappointment that it wasn't Gen. Wesley Clark. Still, Biden is not a shrinking violet, so McCane better be ready for some harsh words.

But if Obama ever sends me another text message at 3:30 AM!! (on a Saturday, no less), we will have to seriously reconsider our relationship. That is all.

How Many Houses Do You Own?

2008-08-22T20:18:00.002-04:00

I'm gonna have to change the name of the blog again since I'm back in the States :(

And of course, from the moment I got back here, I've been voraciously following the political news. Obama's expected to announce his veep pick tomorrow, and the Democratic National Convention starts on Monday! But the real gem is this:

When asked how many houses he owns, John McCain DIDN'T KNOW!! His exact words were "I'll have my staff get to you."Really? You actually have people to keep track of how many houses you have? Oh God, please let this be the "Kerry-gone-windsurfing" moment of this campaign. All over this country, people are losing their homes to a financial system gone haywire, but for the extremely wealthy, like the McCains, who have profited enormously from the Bush presidency, there is no worry about putting a roof over their head. The actual count is somewhere between 7 and 12 (depending on the definition of "home") 7 houses?! And yet, Obama is the elitist, dincha know? Only in the senile delusions of a sad, old man would that make any sense.

Please people, this country cannot afford a 3rd Bush term, please vote American, vote Democrat.